talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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