glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
