She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Is it because I queefed?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
