I must be too annoying 4 u.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We need to rekindle our bromance
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
