Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
