I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
