FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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