Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
