next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
