i barfeds in our rink
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
a search helicopter?!
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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