i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
