He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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