3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
