We're facebook friends in real life
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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