my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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