if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
