if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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