I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she smelled like a LAN party
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
