You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
