yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize