i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
