I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
