I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
