i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
