I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
