brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
