did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
