Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize