Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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