is your mom at the bar?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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