and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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