My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
