11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize