Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
