Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
