Having a random hookup so left but love u
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
