Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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