smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
