i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
