You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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