Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
