I wish life had little blips of pornography
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
