Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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