K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize