Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
