I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
