I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
