The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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