discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
