she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We had to coat check the pizza.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
