I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
