I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize