The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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