Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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