so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize