best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
