Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
