i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
