ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
