She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
