Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
