Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize