Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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