Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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