Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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