Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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