Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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