I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
