He disabled his match.com account in front of me
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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