Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
