weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
