I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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