guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
