Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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