That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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