Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
