How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
