I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
