U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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