his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
