I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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