Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize