I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
