But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
