The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
