Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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