This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
