if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
there was a trapeze. enough said
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
