U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
