he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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