i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
