It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
